(got to be some more change in my life)

     Hello avid reader!  Well I must say that I am in high spirits after what I have to say was an amazing season of Top Chef.  For those unaware, I am obsessed with the show and without ruining anything for someone who has yet to view the finale, it was as blue-eyed Tom would say "well-executed." I in general have followed a wide array of reality-TV shows, in particular the odd formula of Bravo series that in some way aim to be high-brow by mentions of foie gras, Mercedes, mansions, and celebrity names, but typically boil down to catfights, alcoholism and poor grammar.  Top Chef to me has avoided that almost completely.  The rivalry is understandable, the frustrations with the competition and competitors justifiable, and the food almost always beautiful.  There is rarely a moment that escalates into sheer ego and hysterics aiming to capture a good tabloid moment; however if we had a Top Chef All Stars:  Real Housewives Edition, then perhaps!   Nene Leakes and Teresa Giudice in the kitchen together?  Holler!  Right, right, this is a music blog...sorry.

     I am coming to an interesting point right now where I am thinking a great deal about what is next.  The truth is that I have huge issues in which the way life is supposed to be shaped; go to school, get a job, career, career, career, career.  When I say supposed I just mean to say that there are implicit understandings of what it is to be successful and to feel accomplished in society, and often times those things may clash with what we feel like doing or are pursuing currently...like re-watching Top Chef episodes in a marathon fashion.  Nonetheless, I have learned that I enjoy working with students, I enjoy working with international programs and partners, and I love having the opportunity to be creative.  I want to learn to be a better manager, I want to learn to have as much of an effect as I can without compromising myself, and I want to learn to be a better researcher.  With this said, a piece of paper greater than my Bachelor's is needed, and I am ready to pursue it.  So this leaves me with a lot of questions: do I stay where I am? Do I stay with my job?  Do I make a huge change?

      The song on my mind tonight is "NYC" by Interpol.  There are multiple reasons for choosing this song, but one is that I applied to graduate school there.  Why NYC?  Well for one, the program at Columbia just looked awesome.  The other thing is to return closer to home and be in a place that part of me has wanted to go back to for awhile.  I may be a Jersey boy and proud, but my entire family -- parents, grandparents, uncles, cousins -- is from NYC and is scattered both within and without.  I miss the city and I miss the proximity to a bunch of people I really care about.  The song's message also captures a lot of what is going on in my head right now.  The steps towards making a change in life is not always simple or easy.

    I love the opening lyrics: "I had seven faces/Thought I knew which one to wear." I think we all can relate to this idea.  It's that urgency of trying to fit in and feel like someone worthwhile. The lyrics go on to focus on the appeal of the perceptible chaos of New York: "the subway is a porno/the pavements are a mess," however the singer is not pulled in by this.  The movement into the chorus is tense as you are presented with the core conflict of the song, the repeating of "But New York cares" against the immediate echoing of "got to be some more change in my life." Wanting a change, but also feeling a pull against making that change.

     A lot becomes captured in the movement of the music.  It starts off very slow, with little change in tempo and straightforward melodies and rhythms. The lyrics mentioned above in fact repeat throughout the song without many new phrases or lines. Each time you hear them, however, the tempo has picked up a little, the instrumentation has grown more complex, or simply the volume has gotten louder.  The climax comes after the second repetition of the initial lyrics, when you hear "it's up to me now, turn on the bright lights." You then hear this line slowly replace the line "New York cares" as the one echoing against "got to be some more change in my life." To me that is brilliant.  In the first part of the song you have a sense of ambivalence, where the second part is affirmation:  I'm moving on.  After this point, there are no more lyrics in the song.  All that can be said has been said, allowing the music to slowly taper off into the end.

      I want to be more at that point, feeling confident in the choice I am going to make about the future.  I know what is best and what is easiest, but I cannot help ask if it is what I want and what really excites me.  Am I moving to NYC?  Nope.  But, yeah, I definitely am ready for some change in my life.  

State of emergency is where I want to be

      Keeping up with the promise!  Another post and it is still 2013.  I guess this post comes in time for single people's favorite holiday to hate...Valentine's Day.  As much as I want to treat it with cynicism, I will not.  If anything, today should really be about showing someone you care about -- no matter who it is -- that you care! Do I think it is silly that we have chosen a day to be compassionate and loving to someone close to us?  Yes!  Do I think that with the pace of life it can be easy to forget to show that love?  Yes, again!  So, reader, just enjoy today, tell someone you love them, eat a steak, drink some wine, and hopefully at some point, dance it out.  We all got nothing to lose.

     I am really excited about today's post because I have decided to write about one of my favorite artists, Bjork.  Now while I understand that people will have their dissenting opinions, I would like to propose a question: When was the last time you went out and did something outside your comfort zone that challenged your creativity? Try writing something, paint something, make some music, create something?  If you are like me, it has been awhile; however, this is why I admire Bjork.  If you listen to a few of her songs and/or watch some of the music videos, you see someone who is just trying to discover new ways to express different ideas and concepts (one example being "Crystalline").  Where I would label someone like Lady Gaga as superfluous, I would call Bjork thoughtful.  Her music demonstrates not only a great deal of dedication, but a concern for coherence and finding ways to create something not seen before.  Having Michel Gondry, (AMAZING SUPER DIRECTOR OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF ALL TIME, "ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND") direct the vast majority of your music videos does not hurt either. 

       I have gone with a song I referenced in a post awhile back, the song "Joga" from her third album -- not to mention my favorite of her CD's by far -- Homogenic. This song is the shit, and has easily become one of my favorite songs of all time.  It instantly catches your attention, sets a mood, and flows so smoothly between each section.  One other element of "Joga" that I feel is so unique is the way in which classical melodies and electronic beats flow together in such a harmonious way.  It just works.  This again brings me back to my point about Bjork as a thoughtful artist.  This is not a reckless grouping of sounds and rhythms; there is a careful process by which each component is placed in the song as to create something more whole.  Listen to the first minute.  You are primarily only introduced to the classical side, which is gorgeous, and then slowly the digitized beats begin to develop and grow in volume until after the first chorus when they take over for a bit of time before being rejoined by the strings.  Awesome awesome awesome!!!!!!

     Now the lyrics.  They speak to the power of having something in your life that bring coherence to the chaos.  "All these accidents that happen/ follow the dot/ coincidence makes sense/ only with you." The song comes off as a tribute to whatever that force may be, I would even say to the point of fascination.  This is captured in the chorus section, the point when you have the classical and electronic movements working in tandem to create this very vivid movement, when she repeats "[and you push me to this] state of emergency/ how beautiful to be/ state of emergency/ is where I want to be." That phrase, "state of emergency" carries a striking complexity.  It compels us to think of words like "panic" or "disorder." That is not the case here.  The use of emergency is to make a comparison, that her feelings of excitement and emotion are so strong that they are on par with that state of mind.  The truth is though that it is more a state of peace.  The world around, the events that happen make sense, and there is no need to fear.  No wonder you would want to stay in that moment.

       The song to me is about feeling for once like a complete person, even for an instant.  We do not often meet people or find a place that presents a symmetry so fitting to who we are.  When it does happen, perhaps our first inkling is to freak out, to put ourselves into a state of emergency.  No matter what the case, or how long it lasts, that sensation of wholeness and security is nothing short of amazing.  
    

"Look back, hold on to the last..."

     May I say that I greatly lament how long it has taken me to post something here.  When I first started this blog, my intention was to write about songs that I love.  I am going to make an effort to fulfill that goal and publish something each week.  I have had so many moments with either songs I have revisited or newer material -- newer to me at least -- where I have thought, "I should blog about this." I have come to realize how challenging it can be to maintain a creative outlet, especially when there is no immediate reward to come of it.  I really want to maintain this blog primarily because I enjoy doing it, and nothing else. So time to make that happen!

      Despite my lack of activity here, I have continued to gather a great deal of music over the past months: finding new groups like Solid Gold and Torres (omg her song "Honey" is so great, grungy, and totally worth a listen...and a blog post!), and collecting CD's that I have always wanted to own, but just never made the effort like Regina Spektor's Begin to Hope, and Bloc Party's Silent Alarm. I recommend both!  Now of course I maintain my hope that I will not deteriorate into being some sort of audio cat lady -- I guess one can dream -- but I will continue to maintain some order with the pile of new purchases gathering in my room.

      During a trip home over the holidays, I was finally coerced by the motherly unit to go through my old CD's and see which ones I wanted to keep and those I was happy to discard.  Reviewing my music was reviewing my life.  Each CD spoke to a certain moment in time -- some that I am very proud of and others that I am not.  It was not painful to say goodbye.  What I did realize is that the CD's that I am collecting now reflect a lot more of who I am today.  Growing up was a challenge to establish and be comfortable with an identity.  My music reflected that in both its variety and lack of connection.  I feel that though my tastes remain varied, the stuff I buy today are CD's and songs that interest me, challenge me, and that I am confident I will enjoy.  That in reality is just my way of saying thank you Ke$ha for releasing "Die Young." You all know you love it!  In all seriousness, my music grows with me, and I grow with my music -- plain and simple.

      Perhaps one of the most important CD's for me over the past months has been On the Water by Future Islands.  Now I learned about this group in a sort of an unfortunate manner.  A group of friends and I were on our way to FreeFest in Columbia, MD this past Fall.  One of the people with us really wanted to see this group, but due to traffic and poor planning on my part, we ended up missing them.  Nonetheless, I Shazamed the hell out of all the songs that were being played on our drive up since people were playing songs by the groups we were to see.  The first song I fell in love with on this CD was "Balance."  The song besides being full of fun rhythms and melodies, captures a great deal of the overall sound of Future Islands -- this cool mix of 80's synth pop, alongside the intense vocals of the lead singer, and a great deal of layered instrumentals and sounds.  The lead singer of the group, Samuel Herrings, just has this voice that I feel you either will love or hate.  His voice sounds like a struggle.  It is raspy but spirited, and at times when he aims for higher pitches at louder volumes, it almost sounds like it is painful for him to sing.  There also is this weird hint of some sort of British accent, which can be a little strange at times for a band that got together in Greenville, NC and now are in Baltimore (go Ravens!!!!)

     I do not plan to write about a song in its entirety, but I do want to mention one other song on the album, "Where I Found You."  The lyrics are the singer reminiscing on the beginnings of his relationship with someone.  It goes through the most seemingly simple accounts, "I remember your smile," "I remember our room," "One road I took to catch you, the other I took to leave you." The background music is very minimal while still maintaining that 80's synth sound Future Islands does so well.  My favorite lines which also repeat throughout the song and make up the classic fade out at the end are "Look back, hold on to the last.  Don't let today push out the past." Embrace the memories you have and remember experiences for all they hold.  Regarding this post, I think about it in context of those old CD's with which I parted.  I cherish each of those old discs with their scratches, ripped liner notes, and cracked cases.  They in many ways make up my past for the memories they bring back, and the time in my life at which I purchased them.  Though I still question from time to time the value of regret, I can say confidently that I respect deeply how my experiences have shaped who I am, and furthermore how much music has been part of that.  It is even better to know that it will continue to be a large element of my life.  All I can say is, please keep watch in let's say 60-70 years for an old guy with large headphones and a Big Lebowski shirt rocking out in public.  You will know who it is.