I've made my bed, I'll lie in it

   Is this where I write oops?  Now where I have failed to be consistent with this blog considering my last post was from March, I will say that I have spent a good amount of time thinking about writing stuff!  Nonetheless, I am here sitting in a Starbucks -- obviously because I love capitalism and iced coffee -- all ready to type some stuff up.
    Before continuing onward, may I exclaim, what a week, America!  DOMA gone, Prop 8 gone, hit to voting rights, a defense attorney for George Zimmerman opening his argument with a knock-knock joke, and  Wendy Davis AKA new role model.  As much as I would like to write some sort of all-encompassing statement on the level of profound regarding Prop 8 and DOMA, all I can say is about fucking time.  Moving ahead!
    This past Friday besides being my last full day at my now old job (grad student says what?!), I also received two shiny new CD's in the mail: the first CD was "Live Through This" by Hole, and the second was "Otra Cosa" by Julieta Venegas.  Since Hole will be the subject of today's post, a little reflection on Julieta Venegas.  So just to start, I love her!  Julieta Venegas is a well-known Latina pop-star who started her career with music that had a lot of experimental elements in it (example for you?!), and then slowly moved in to more straightforward pop music with her CD, "Si." I really respect her because she is a key part of the production, writing, and performing of nearly all her music.  Most importantly, girl plays the accordion and she makes that work so well in her songs (otro ejemplo!).  I totally recommend giving her a listen.  Now if you want a good trashy ass Latina...look no further!
      Oh Hole, what an interesting band with one of the most notorious lead singers of the past 20 years -- the immaculate Courtney Love.  One thing that must be said is for all those obsessed, horrified, or whatever with the number of female celebrities sporting themselves in positions where there privates become paparazzi fodder, please think of a famous scene from a 90's Lollapalooza where Courtney Love in her thrilling dive into the crowd showed everyone everything about her.  Not to mention another personal favorite when Madonna was being interviewed after a Video Music Awards on MTV and Courtney Love tossed her heels onto the platform, thus granting her a spot alongside the pop star in her interview.  I mean, she wanted to be interviewed, what else was she to do?!
     I for a long time have wanted to get "Live Through This" and it was not until one of our student workers told me that she went to see Courtney Love live in concert recently, that I finally sat down and bought it. Regarding the concert, I can only imagine what sort of experience Courtney Love would provide.  The CD is great.  All the songs lie between 2 - 3 minutes, and cover a lot of themes -- love is not one of them thank god.  Some of the ones that stood out to me were songs focused on drug abuse, self-image, suicide, sex, gender roles, and abusive relationships. While each song is pretty different, the composition is pretty straightforward and makes it easy to focus on the lyrics themselves, without being distracted by random sound machines, dubstep, or whatever them kids are now doing these days.  I totally recommend giving it a listen.  Youtube has the whole album!
      Not sure yet if it is my favorite, but I love the song "Miss World." I think my favorite part of it is just the way Courtney Love sings the lyrics.  There is this sense of sarcasm and self-loathing in every word that she sings, and I feel that the song would grant someone a different impression if this tone was missing. I mean lyrics like "I'm Miss World, somebody kill me" would still give it away, but the tone of her voice is what makes this a serious message -- not a facetious one.  I also associate this song the most with the album cover for "Live Through This," considering it is a beauty pageant girl, crying her eyes out covered in dripping make-up while clinging to a bouquet of flowers.  At least she won!
     Looking at the lyrics you get the sense that the singer is a pretty sad story -- a person that has done everything to be on top; have status, popularity, the jealousy of others, and yet no one realizes how alone and depressed she is.  In one group of lyrics there is this great play between the singer announcing her plans to hurt herself followed by the recognition that there is no one who even cares.  It makes the potential cries for help almost like a joke; she knows that no matter how grotesque or brutal her announcements are that no one is listening.
      The chorus kind of reinforces how jaded she is.  She sees herself as the one responsible for her state and goes on to repeat, "I've made my bed, I'll lie in it, I've made my bed, I'll die in it." This is not a "I got myself into this, and I will get myself out."  This is a "I am responsible for this, and I am just going to give up and waste away." It leaves you with a sense of loneliness and hopelessness.  Even if someone were to help this person out, it almost feels too late.
     The beauty to me of this song is that there is no sugarcoating of this person's feelings of desperation and pain; however it completely eschews any sort of over-dramatization of her feelings.  On first listen it could even pass as a somewhat happy song if you were to not pay any attention to the lyrics.  The lack of any histrionic musical elements goes so well with the overall sense given off by the singer.  She is over it, does not give a shit, and for all she cares, this could be sung as a polka.  The point is that she is done with everything, and that is that.
     In trying to figure out why I like this song so much, I think it really just comes down to hearing a song that in my mind is so unique for its sound, lyrics, and themes.  Sadness and/or hopelessness does not need to be done with slow moving rhythms, endless musical interludes, and a piano -- there is always a fucking piano!  Hole created a song that expressed all that with a pretty fast tempo, some catchy riffs, and kept it under 3 minutes.  For me this song shows one of the things I love about music; there always is a different and new way to express any sensation.  We do not need to fall into the same way of doing things.  Yay music!
   
     

I'm just a soul whose intentions are good...

        I think I would like to subtitle this post as "Fuck you Winter." I just returned from being in NJ visiting my family for a couple of days, and of course on Monday evening the weather decides that an ice storm would be a fabulous idea.  Not having driven in icy weather in awhile, umm it sucks.  It sucks a lot.  With the first day of Spring approaching in a few hours, I am hoping that this cold shit finally ends.  Sun is nice, so is warmth, and I have gardening intentions!  My front yard is a pile of weeds, and I think I would enjoy coming home to some flowers versus outgrowths that look like reject hay.  My greatest adventure in gardening has been watering things for my mom growing up... and that one time I drank the water that was filled with Miracle Gro.  Whoops.

      Well one thing I have noticed about this blog is that I have kept it to certain genres of music.  I have written mostly about songs that fall into the categories of alternative, indie, rock and pop.  I think that grows out of the fact that this is the music to which I spend the majority of my time listening; however, there are a lot of groups and tracks from other genres that I find to be amazing.  One thing that I absolutely love is a great R&B or Soul music singer.  I always find that besides just the amount of emotion that is poured into this music, great singers in this style do so much with their voice in each and every song.  It could be singing a certain verse one way one time and changing it up the second, playing with the harmonies, or just taking the chance to show how great of a range they have.  I think of singers today like Adele, Mary J. Blige, Maxwell, John Legend, Alicia Keys (though I question her choice in men), Amy Winehouse RIP, and others that really make their songs their own.  If you want a good classic song, "I've Been Loving You Too Long" by Otis Redding.  Oh shit balls, it is good.

      Oddly enough, the song I have chosen today I would say falls into ANOTHER genre, or perhaps we can call it a subgenre -- rerecordings.  All I can say about remaking a song -- especially if it is a famous one -- you better make it stand out from the original.  Take a listen to one of my favorites.  The remake I am writing about is Nina Simone's version of "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood." This song made famous by Eric Burdon and the Animals, has been remade a ton of times, but this version to me is just the best.

     So first off the way the song begins really separates it from the original.  There is no prominent guitar melody, just the sound of three notes on the bells.  And then Nina enters, "Baby, do you understand me now?" That line in general is one thing I love about the song, the way it makes you feel as though you have entered the song mid-conversation.  Another cool thing about this version is the orchestration.  Once the lyrics begin, you start to realize how intricate it all is:  a strings section, an array of back-up singers, and percussion.  In contrast to the original by Eric Burdon, Nina Simone takes her time with each line and each note.  It adds a heaviness and sincerity to the words she sings throughout.  That emotion really shines through the first time we her sing, "But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good/ Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood!" It sounds almost like she is crying a bit, and feel how much she wants the person to whom she is singing to get where she is coming from.

    This leads into the bridge where the singer takes the time to explain herself: "If I seem edgy/ I want you to know/ I never meant to take it out on you." This is also a moment where Nina Simone plays with the melody, suddenly singing the lines in a staccato fashion that adds a new character to the song.  The bridge leads back into the original instrumentation and sound, where the singer wails, "Baby don't you know that I am just human?"  In these final lines, Nina Simone almost pleads for sympathy saying that she is just like anyone else; she makes mistakes, but she has her regrets.  The song slowly fades out with the violins playing the famous guitar riff from the original version, as Nina repeats the title line along with further pleadings of "I try so hard, please don't let me be misunderstood."

     The song speaks volumes.  I think it is too simple to label it as one of pity, that we are asked to almost look down on how hard the singer is begging the other person to understand them.  "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood" is talking about the challenges of not only explaining who you are to someone else but also trying to understand yourself for your own sake.  The core conflict is wanting to be good and having all these wonderful intentions, yet being stuck in a place where only the negative seems to come out.  It's that process of trying to be better and failing that I feel causes the exclamation "Oh lord, please don't me be misunderstood!" Let people see me for who I am and not what I do.  Deep shit.  

Sometimes baby, the hardest part of breaking is leaving pieces behind you

        Another week, another blog post.  I have to say this past one has been quite nice.  It is always such a great feeling when the weather decides to stop being an asshole, even if it is only for a few days.  The weekend was unbelievably pleasant and reminded me of why I like living in a place where I can walk everywhere.  There is something nice about getting to be outdoors whether meeting up with a friend for coffee or buying laundry detergent.  I only did one of those things, luckily the first, but power to you if you got some Tide on Saturday as well!  I also finally began to start looking into things with which to decorate my room.  My mom visited last weekend, and she was quite supportive – one could argue a little indignant – of me decorating my room a bit more.  She’s a nester; I can live in a box.  I agree though that it is about time I bought a poster or something, or even just a few photos.  Curses…the mother house always rules.

        Today, I want to write about pop music.  First of all, one of my biggest pet peeves is people that think enjoying pop music is a problem or those that treat their favorite pop songs as a guilty pleasure.  Let’s get one thing straight: if you are attracted to a song, then listen to it and love it.  Pop music is designed in its chords, topics, structure, to be essentially the most accessible of genres, and there are some wonderful groups and singers out there.  If pop is not your thing because you prefer other types of music, power to you.  If you dislike pop for the sake of your reputation, then you are a douche.  That is real annoying.

  Sidenote other pet peeve: people that think that any band identified as “indie” is automatically good music.  Wrong! 

     The song on today’s menu is “Cameo Lover,” by Kimbra.  For those who do not know who Kimbra is, she is the girl in the Gotye song, “Somebody That I Used to Know.”  She is a Kiwi with an amazing voice, some funky fashion, and just a fun attitude.  I learned about this song really cause of the Gotye one.  I wanted to see what else she sang, so I went on Youtube and boy was I pleasantly surprised when “Cameo Lover” appeared!  I honestly have to say that this song is to me one of the best pop songs of all time.  Why?  It is incredibly catchy from the get-go; there is a harmonious mixture of pop, soul, and some 50’s rock, the lyrics are not shit and have interesting ideas, and the song has movement.  That last part is vital to me.

     The main idea of the song is asking someone to open themselves up to you, to put down the barriers and really enjoy life.  As Kimbra puts it, “this is non-stop baby/you got me going crazy/ you’re heavier than I knew/ but I don’t want no other/you’re my cameo lover/ only here for a moment or two.” The beautiful moments are fleeting and she wants more.  And the song’s lyrics function less as a plea and more as an expression of concern.  Like Kimbra put it, she is not looking to leave this person, and wants to go through it all with them: “we all got to break down/ let me come and break down with you.”

     The chorus rocks.  It sounds like a Ronettes song (think “Be My Baby”) with a real pop twist, and is fueled by Kimbra’s enthusiasm, repeating the phrase “open up your heart” in a way that builds with the music to her saying “and let me pull you out of here!” It excites the listener and you want her to pull that guy through!  The point for me where this song establishes itself is the transition about 2 ½ minutes into the song.  You experience a sudden drop in volume and a key change, and Kimbra sings the chorus in a sincere but mellow tone.  Within seconds the chorus repeats with full instrumentation and layered voices, again a striking moment that captures your attention.  Nothing for me, however beats the ending minute of the song, when the focus comes to the drums, the repetition of “open up your heart” and Kimbra’s singing of these different scales of notes as if to be the sound of that heart finally letting loose. 

What this change in the music creates is hope.  It suddenly feels like she is reaching this guy, and she is getting closer and closer to him opening up.  Her tone is pure kindness and maintains that purity into the end of the song where the instrumentation dissipate leaving only Kimbra’s voice and some light vocals as the last thing we hear.  You leave the song knowing she was successful. 

                “Cameo Lover” is a song to me that defeats pop stereotypes of simplicity.  We often associate happy songs with superficial thought, and rely on our dark and brooding tunes to provide us with something complicated.  Let’s move away from that, shall we?  Kimbra’s song here allows both thought as well as joy, and that in a genre like pop is not easy to accomplish.  Go , Kimbra, go! 

(got to be some more change in my life)

     Hello avid reader!  Well I must say that I am in high spirits after what I have to say was an amazing season of Top Chef.  For those unaware, I am obsessed with the show and without ruining anything for someone who has yet to view the finale, it was as blue-eyed Tom would say "well-executed." I in general have followed a wide array of reality-TV shows, in particular the odd formula of Bravo series that in some way aim to be high-brow by mentions of foie gras, Mercedes, mansions, and celebrity names, but typically boil down to catfights, alcoholism and poor grammar.  Top Chef to me has avoided that almost completely.  The rivalry is understandable, the frustrations with the competition and competitors justifiable, and the food almost always beautiful.  There is rarely a moment that escalates into sheer ego and hysterics aiming to capture a good tabloid moment; however if we had a Top Chef All Stars:  Real Housewives Edition, then perhaps!   Nene Leakes and Teresa Giudice in the kitchen together?  Holler!  Right, right, this is a music blog...sorry.

     I am coming to an interesting point right now where I am thinking a great deal about what is next.  The truth is that I have huge issues in which the way life is supposed to be shaped; go to school, get a job, career, career, career, career.  When I say supposed I just mean to say that there are implicit understandings of what it is to be successful and to feel accomplished in society, and often times those things may clash with what we feel like doing or are pursuing currently...like re-watching Top Chef episodes in a marathon fashion.  Nonetheless, I have learned that I enjoy working with students, I enjoy working with international programs and partners, and I love having the opportunity to be creative.  I want to learn to be a better manager, I want to learn to have as much of an effect as I can without compromising myself, and I want to learn to be a better researcher.  With this said, a piece of paper greater than my Bachelor's is needed, and I am ready to pursue it.  So this leaves me with a lot of questions: do I stay where I am? Do I stay with my job?  Do I make a huge change?

      The song on my mind tonight is "NYC" by Interpol.  There are multiple reasons for choosing this song, but one is that I applied to graduate school there.  Why NYC?  Well for one, the program at Columbia just looked awesome.  The other thing is to return closer to home and be in a place that part of me has wanted to go back to for awhile.  I may be a Jersey boy and proud, but my entire family -- parents, grandparents, uncles, cousins -- is from NYC and is scattered both within and without.  I miss the city and I miss the proximity to a bunch of people I really care about.  The song's message also captures a lot of what is going on in my head right now.  The steps towards making a change in life is not always simple or easy.

    I love the opening lyrics: "I had seven faces/Thought I knew which one to wear." I think we all can relate to this idea.  It's that urgency of trying to fit in and feel like someone worthwhile. The lyrics go on to focus on the appeal of the perceptible chaos of New York: "the subway is a porno/the pavements are a mess," however the singer is not pulled in by this.  The movement into the chorus is tense as you are presented with the core conflict of the song, the repeating of "But New York cares" against the immediate echoing of "got to be some more change in my life." Wanting a change, but also feeling a pull against making that change.

     A lot becomes captured in the movement of the music.  It starts off very slow, with little change in tempo and straightforward melodies and rhythms. The lyrics mentioned above in fact repeat throughout the song without many new phrases or lines. Each time you hear them, however, the tempo has picked up a little, the instrumentation has grown more complex, or simply the volume has gotten louder.  The climax comes after the second repetition of the initial lyrics, when you hear "it's up to me now, turn on the bright lights." You then hear this line slowly replace the line "New York cares" as the one echoing against "got to be some more change in my life." To me that is brilliant.  In the first part of the song you have a sense of ambivalence, where the second part is affirmation:  I'm moving on.  After this point, there are no more lyrics in the song.  All that can be said has been said, allowing the music to slowly taper off into the end.

      I want to be more at that point, feeling confident in the choice I am going to make about the future.  I know what is best and what is easiest, but I cannot help ask if it is what I want and what really excites me.  Am I moving to NYC?  Nope.  But, yeah, I definitely am ready for some change in my life.  

State of emergency is where I want to be

      Keeping up with the promise!  Another post and it is still 2013.  I guess this post comes in time for single people's favorite holiday to hate...Valentine's Day.  As much as I want to treat it with cynicism, I will not.  If anything, today should really be about showing someone you care about -- no matter who it is -- that you care! Do I think it is silly that we have chosen a day to be compassionate and loving to someone close to us?  Yes!  Do I think that with the pace of life it can be easy to forget to show that love?  Yes, again!  So, reader, just enjoy today, tell someone you love them, eat a steak, drink some wine, and hopefully at some point, dance it out.  We all got nothing to lose.

     I am really excited about today's post because I have decided to write about one of my favorite artists, Bjork.  Now while I understand that people will have their dissenting opinions, I would like to propose a question: When was the last time you went out and did something outside your comfort zone that challenged your creativity? Try writing something, paint something, make some music, create something?  If you are like me, it has been awhile; however, this is why I admire Bjork.  If you listen to a few of her songs and/or watch some of the music videos, you see someone who is just trying to discover new ways to express different ideas and concepts (one example being "Crystalline").  Where I would label someone like Lady Gaga as superfluous, I would call Bjork thoughtful.  Her music demonstrates not only a great deal of dedication, but a concern for coherence and finding ways to create something not seen before.  Having Michel Gondry, (AMAZING SUPER DIRECTOR OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF ALL TIME, "ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND") direct the vast majority of your music videos does not hurt either. 

       I have gone with a song I referenced in a post awhile back, the song "Joga" from her third album -- not to mention my favorite of her CD's by far -- Homogenic. This song is the shit, and has easily become one of my favorite songs of all time.  It instantly catches your attention, sets a mood, and flows so smoothly between each section.  One other element of "Joga" that I feel is so unique is the way in which classical melodies and electronic beats flow together in such a harmonious way.  It just works.  This again brings me back to my point about Bjork as a thoughtful artist.  This is not a reckless grouping of sounds and rhythms; there is a careful process by which each component is placed in the song as to create something more whole.  Listen to the first minute.  You are primarily only introduced to the classical side, which is gorgeous, and then slowly the digitized beats begin to develop and grow in volume until after the first chorus when they take over for a bit of time before being rejoined by the strings.  Awesome awesome awesome!!!!!!

     Now the lyrics.  They speak to the power of having something in your life that bring coherence to the chaos.  "All these accidents that happen/ follow the dot/ coincidence makes sense/ only with you." The song comes off as a tribute to whatever that force may be, I would even say to the point of fascination.  This is captured in the chorus section, the point when you have the classical and electronic movements working in tandem to create this very vivid movement, when she repeats "[and you push me to this] state of emergency/ how beautiful to be/ state of emergency/ is where I want to be." That phrase, "state of emergency" carries a striking complexity.  It compels us to think of words like "panic" or "disorder." That is not the case here.  The use of emergency is to make a comparison, that her feelings of excitement and emotion are so strong that they are on par with that state of mind.  The truth is though that it is more a state of peace.  The world around, the events that happen make sense, and there is no need to fear.  No wonder you would want to stay in that moment.

       The song to me is about feeling for once like a complete person, even for an instant.  We do not often meet people or find a place that presents a symmetry so fitting to who we are.  When it does happen, perhaps our first inkling is to freak out, to put ourselves into a state of emergency.  No matter what the case, or how long it lasts, that sensation of wholeness and security is nothing short of amazing.  
    

"Look back, hold on to the last..."

     May I say that I greatly lament how long it has taken me to post something here.  When I first started this blog, my intention was to write about songs that I love.  I am going to make an effort to fulfill that goal and publish something each week.  I have had so many moments with either songs I have revisited or newer material -- newer to me at least -- where I have thought, "I should blog about this." I have come to realize how challenging it can be to maintain a creative outlet, especially when there is no immediate reward to come of it.  I really want to maintain this blog primarily because I enjoy doing it, and nothing else. So time to make that happen!

      Despite my lack of activity here, I have continued to gather a great deal of music over the past months: finding new groups like Solid Gold and Torres (omg her song "Honey" is so great, grungy, and totally worth a listen...and a blog post!), and collecting CD's that I have always wanted to own, but just never made the effort like Regina Spektor's Begin to Hope, and Bloc Party's Silent Alarm. I recommend both!  Now of course I maintain my hope that I will not deteriorate into being some sort of audio cat lady -- I guess one can dream -- but I will continue to maintain some order with the pile of new purchases gathering in my room.

      During a trip home over the holidays, I was finally coerced by the motherly unit to go through my old CD's and see which ones I wanted to keep and those I was happy to discard.  Reviewing my music was reviewing my life.  Each CD spoke to a certain moment in time -- some that I am very proud of and others that I am not.  It was not painful to say goodbye.  What I did realize is that the CD's that I am collecting now reflect a lot more of who I am today.  Growing up was a challenge to establish and be comfortable with an identity.  My music reflected that in both its variety and lack of connection.  I feel that though my tastes remain varied, the stuff I buy today are CD's and songs that interest me, challenge me, and that I am confident I will enjoy.  That in reality is just my way of saying thank you Ke$ha for releasing "Die Young." You all know you love it!  In all seriousness, my music grows with me, and I grow with my music -- plain and simple.

      Perhaps one of the most important CD's for me over the past months has been On the Water by Future Islands.  Now I learned about this group in a sort of an unfortunate manner.  A group of friends and I were on our way to FreeFest in Columbia, MD this past Fall.  One of the people with us really wanted to see this group, but due to traffic and poor planning on my part, we ended up missing them.  Nonetheless, I Shazamed the hell out of all the songs that were being played on our drive up since people were playing songs by the groups we were to see.  The first song I fell in love with on this CD was "Balance."  The song besides being full of fun rhythms and melodies, captures a great deal of the overall sound of Future Islands -- this cool mix of 80's synth pop, alongside the intense vocals of the lead singer, and a great deal of layered instrumentals and sounds.  The lead singer of the group, Samuel Herrings, just has this voice that I feel you either will love or hate.  His voice sounds like a struggle.  It is raspy but spirited, and at times when he aims for higher pitches at louder volumes, it almost sounds like it is painful for him to sing.  There also is this weird hint of some sort of British accent, which can be a little strange at times for a band that got together in Greenville, NC and now are in Baltimore (go Ravens!!!!)

     I do not plan to write about a song in its entirety, but I do want to mention one other song on the album, "Where I Found You."  The lyrics are the singer reminiscing on the beginnings of his relationship with someone.  It goes through the most seemingly simple accounts, "I remember your smile," "I remember our room," "One road I took to catch you, the other I took to leave you." The background music is very minimal while still maintaining that 80's synth sound Future Islands does so well.  My favorite lines which also repeat throughout the song and make up the classic fade out at the end are "Look back, hold on to the last.  Don't let today push out the past." Embrace the memories you have and remember experiences for all they hold.  Regarding this post, I think about it in context of those old CD's with which I parted.  I cherish each of those old discs with their scratches, ripped liner notes, and cracked cases.  They in many ways make up my past for the memories they bring back, and the time in my life at which I purchased them.  Though I still question from time to time the value of regret, I can say confidently that I respect deeply how my experiences have shaped who I am, and furthermore how much music has been part of that.  It is even better to know that it will continue to be a large element of my life.  All I can say is, please keep watch in let's say 60-70 years for an old guy with large headphones and a Big Lebowski shirt rocking out in public.  You will know who it is.  

"Take my hand and pray with me"

Hello!  So it has been a ridiculously long time since I posted anything, but well, here I go.  I am right now in the midst of approaching my 26th birthday and I kind of feel like I have a lot of reactions to that and at the same time absolutely nothing to say.  Like things are good: been promoted, applying to grad school, perhaps in the best shape of my life, can still make decently modern references though that in itself is starting to go out the window (Seinfeld will survive the tides of time or else I am completely screwed).  The only thing I think of more seriously is relationships; guess my next entry will have to be about wanting a boyfriend, and I have a good number of funky songs in mind for that one.

    Musically related, a lot of listening.  Song of today:  Grouplove's song "Colours" -- brilliant stuff.  I have made a variety of purchases this summer:  Fiona Apple's newest, PJ Harvey, "Stories from the City, Stories From the Sea," Portishead, "Third", Deerhunter, "Halcyon Digest," and also stole some music from my friend Justin's boyfriend, Erik including, Joni Mitchell's jazz CD, "Both Sides Now, Tegan and Sara, 'The Con," Cat Power, "The Greatest," Bon Iver, "Emma," and Garbage 'Version2.0." So for me, it has luckily given me a ton to listen to and mostly new stuff.  Out of all of it, I have to say that Fiona Apple's new CD is by far my favorite and I have listened to it repeatedly with no shame.  Her sound is her own.  I do not feel it fair to throw her music into any particular genre as I would not label it mainstream listening, but it certainly does not harness or reflect some of the more popular indie groups either.  What I love most is that each movement in her songs is so intentional; every chord change and instrument added has a purpose.  There are also some great lyrics, "Seek me out!  Look at, look at, look at, look at, me!  I am all of the fishes in the sea!"  Tour again soon, Fiona!!!!

     What, you thought I was going to write about a song on that album?  Too easy!  Fuck that shit!  I instead am choosing a song from Deerhunter because why not?  So I have thoroughly enjoyed reading about and watching interviews of the lead singer of Deerhunter, Bradford Cox.  He is first off wonderfully bizarre in those interviews, is incredibly tall and lanky, claims to lead an asexual life, and seems to knows so much about music, books, and random things.  I think listening to some Deerhunter songs, and watching interviews helps to make the connection between the two. Well in truth, "Halcyon Digest" is my first Deerhunter album and I like it a lot.  It has this great stoner vibe to most of the songs and is a great CD to just hang around and listen to.  I also like the way in which many of the songs share these clear 50's grooves.  EXAMPLE:  Listen to the first 30 seconds or so of the song "Basement Scene," and then listen to "All I Have to Do is Dream" by the Everly Brothers.  You shall see!

     The song that has gotten me is "Helicopter." This song in relation to the other tracks on the CD really stands out for its lack of that 50's sound and also that it is probably in my mind the clearest example of Bradford's voice.  The initial combination of sounds which at first are these fading claps, then the sound of a guiro and finally a quick breath, is such a weird mix, but it works!  Then his voice enters alongside this electric organ which follows Bradford's lyrics throughout the entire track.  The first lyrics to hit, "Take my hand and pray with me," are so effective.  When do people pray?  When tragedy hits and shit hits the fan!  So you gotta ask, why does he want to pray?  What is the reason?  

    Well this brings up another thing I love about this song.  So this song is based off a short short story that the writer Dennis Cooper wrote for this CD (I had no idea who Dennis Cooper was before this song).  It follows this Russian youth named Dmitri Marakov (you learn from the story he goes by Dima), who had dreams of getting into the fashion world.  In his pursuit he winds up the lover of a wealthy man willing to financially support him. He falls into a world of a pornography and drugs and finds himself lost and abused, the subject of extreme pornography, gangbangs and a host of other events.  These experiences bring him to this point in the song.  

     So now we got this: a broken down young guy that sounds like he is at his end.  The thing is that the overall tone of the song does not give off frustration or anger, but rather sounds like surrendering.  All the beats and melodies that hit all enter in a lazy fashion, sounding almost not in-time.  In addition you have these build ups at different moments where the initial electric organ melody we hear accompany the singer, plays out on its own in repetition getting louder and louder.  The sense of surrender really comes out in the last lyrics of the song; you have one verse that is nostalgic reflecting on how things used to be 'They don't pay like they used to pay, I used to make it day to day," and then you are hit with the lyrics "no one cares for me...and now they are through with me." There is no talk about a future or other possibilities -- things were once ok and now there is nothing left. 

    The ending of the song drives it home.  "Now they are through with me," is sung over and over again and each time a little differently, almost like Dima is repeating it in an effort to accept this.  It keeps repeating and repeating until the song ends on a high falsetto followed by these sounds that are a mixture of static, water droplets, electronics, as  the song as a whole begins to fade out.  

    The title "Helicopter" also comes from the story Cooper.  The rumor the story tells is that another rich Russian guy who was under criminal charges saw a figure similar to Dima's fall from a helicopter to his death.  There is no proof as to whether that means it was a suicide or a homicide, or even if it was him that jumped from it.  No matter what the scenario, the song itself expresses what it needs to: someone who has lost all hope.  Praying by the end of the song feels like the singer is just mocking his own situation.  He knows nothing is going to change or get better, so why not pray?  What is there to lose? When you feel that helpless and that there is no good to come in your life, death suddenly seems like a very peaceful option.  

    I find the beauty of the song in how unsuspecting it is.  You listen to this without the backstory or really listening to the lyrics and there are many possibilities one could surmise about the subject matter and what this is about.  This is not some Emo, Dashboard Confessional bullshit where your heart is on your sleeve. To really get the song you need to work at understanding all of the elements going on in it, and that to me is as human as it gets.  Taking things especially someone's emotions at face value is often just a piece of all  a person could be feeling.  Things are just never that simple.